I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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