franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
