Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize