I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
