Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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