My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
