maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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