Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
