A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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