I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
