I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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