Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wish I only lived at night.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Randomize
