I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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