two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
