what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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