i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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