In America we eat man semen.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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