they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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