I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
