remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
