In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
