every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
