My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
