Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Randomize
