i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
