**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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