My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
