i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
