dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize