i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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