i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
