my being single is dangerous.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
