A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
