Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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