but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
