I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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