Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fill condoms, not promises.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
