i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
