oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
