You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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