I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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