You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
