I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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