i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
