So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
