I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just invented taco cereal.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
