Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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