Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
