Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm getting married
To pizza
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know her cup size but not her name....
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize