im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
