is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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