so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
