just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
