He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
