i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
