I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
