My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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