just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
