You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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