Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
