He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
