bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
