and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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