so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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