you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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