I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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