She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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