And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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