The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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