I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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