yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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