Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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