I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
