no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
