Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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