watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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