Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
