Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
