I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize