I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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