I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
