You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
