i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
