They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
