Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize