i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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