you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
