Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I need to align my fucking chakras
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