Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
