So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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