Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
