How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
