Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
