Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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