She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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