So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
