i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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