Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
