In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
