he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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