Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
