So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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