And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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