she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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