My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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