i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
