oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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