i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize