I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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