Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
