He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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