forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
