I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
