I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
