Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
