nut hugger
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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